This is the second in a series of five brief essays reflecting on my process of writing my June ’09 release, Mixed Vice Work. In order to help make sense of the project and in an effort to further include listeners in my process, I’ll be sharing three more in the coming months – each in reference to a specific song from the EP.
Here is the story of “Faded”
(as I write on each song, I will post that song online. Please feel free to listen along at www.myspace.com/jonwattsmusic)
“I’m Great”
Back when I was a camp counselor at Shiloh Quaker Camp, we often had to get creative in order to come up with afternoon activities towards the end of the Summer. Thus it was decided one afternoon that we would have a rap battle. The joy of seeing 11 year old Quaker kids battle-rapping was only supplemented by the fun of writing my own verse, which I shared at the close of the camp-wide event later on that evening.
Having always existed somewhere on the fringes of hip hop culture, I am made uncomfortable by the self-centered-ness, competetive braggadacio and put-down culture of the battle scene. Rappers freestyle insults about each other and whichever side looks less pathetic at the end of the event ascends to the next round. As a Quaker trying to “get low” and encourage the ongoing healing of those around us, the rap battle is in many ways the furthest away I could stray my faith.
There is, however, some redeeming value in virtuostic displays of self-affirmation and at Camp Shiloh I was given the opportunity to freely explore that side of my art form. I sat down with a few fellow counselors and out came the first verse of “I’m Great,” which contains some real lyrical gems:
“I’m going to bounce from this town to get a pound of mouse pals. Around smiles I frown to put down the bound styles. The ground is shaking, making fakers statement makers. Hate your neighbors. Do favors like Quaker saviors, helping people meet their makers.”
-From “I’m Great,” The Art of Fully Being
“Faded”
There was no song that I looked forward to re-mixing, re-vising and re-working more than “I’m Great.” The opportunity for full and unfettered word-play-ful-ness is so exciting! I intentionally included as many tongue twisters as possible, which makes it one of my hardest songs to perform yet:
“Bounce to the mountain top. Look in the thrift shop. Find a little nice piece of linen, living sin and for your pen top: send it in a tin top. Listen, when offense is given, that’s a thin slice of living like a gentleman. Be a gentle woman; women sending signals mixed within any silly simple little sentences.”
I changed the chorus to be a bit more inclusive:
“We’re Great. Your sedatives can’t keep us sedate, and while same sex marriage stays state-to-state, we’re going local. Pick up the mic and throw vocals in your phone book, send it to folks that you know. Look, we’re related.”
…and I wrote one of my favorite verses EVER:
“…our forefathers got lost in Boston, it’s the fault of Lord Baltimore and it’s all the more solemn for the following of psalms; some sons and daughters of the hypocrites, which, to the benefit of many, found themselves giving into sentimental money”
Whew! what fun. (try saying that out loud)
The Invitation…
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Marianne Robertson, written for Nelson Mandela
An important part of our religious movement and counter-cultural committment is to find a different way to be in relationship with the ego and all of its attachments and posturing. But simply wishing our egos away is not enough to make them dissappear.
Pretending that my ego doesn’t exist isn’t any less dangerous than ignoring my pain or my sadness. Each is a part of me, and ignoring a part of me always results in that part acting out in ways that I have no control over and am not aware of.
So I invite you, Friends, be whole. Invite your ego to speak in a safe environment and do not hate or judge yourself for what comes out. It is only when we fully accept ourselves that we can begin to lovingly shift our way of being.
in peace,
Jon
More About “Faded”
“Faded” is online and available for anyone to listen to. Visit the Listen page and find “I’m Great” on Mixed Vice Work
Mixed Vice Work can be purchased at the Store and now downloaded!
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